


One Chance

by AtaVictoria



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, fallen!cas, human!Cas, it wasn't when we started writing this, oh wait this is canon now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-06
Updated: 2013-06-06
Packaged: 2017-12-14 03:54:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/832416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AtaVictoria/pseuds/AtaVictoria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel's conversion to humanity may be difficult, but Sam and Dean are there to help him. However, when some issues arise, Cas is unsure what to make of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Chance

**Author's Note:**

> Works written by Coryn [http://e-zekiel.tumblr.com] will be in italics, while works by myself will be written in bold.

_Cas hadn’t done much sleeping in his life. He slept when he’d been drained of energy from his grace, or after being wounded. He could count on two hands all the times he’d ever slept. Before falling, that is._

_Never in his life did he imagine he’d be sleeping for pleasure, or because his body was tired. Because his eyelids were heavy. Because he could barely understand what Alex Trebek was asking his contestants on JEOPARDY! let alone answer before they did._

_Cas had never imagined curling up underneath a comforter in the foetal position on his side, buried underneath the sheets, his feet scrunched up because they were cold. He never imagined he would dream. Senseless dreams of afternoons in the sun or on the beach- dreams of riding nowhere in the Impala beside Sam and Dean. He never imagined nightmares. He never imagined waking up in a cold sweat, clutching the covers to his chest, panting and fighting off tears. Struck by visions of hell, murdering Dean, Death returning Sam’s soul to him.  
Cas never imagined waking up in the morning to an alarm. He never imagined listening to the quiet little traffic report, or lying with his eyes closed, deeply inhaling the smell of bacon and fresh coffee wafting from the kitchen. He never imagined hearing Dean’s laughter from the other room while he argued with Sam about AC/DC’s best album. He never imagined pushing himself up and feeling the need to crack his neck and his toes and his back._

_He never imagined acknowledging the comfort of plaid pajama bottoms and a worn grey teeshirt. He never imagined the feeling of splashing cold water on his face, or running his hands through his hair so that it stuck up in every direction. He never thought about his morning erection, which came so punctually when he woke up. He never thought about masturbation at all, really, until he was faced with the prospect of doing it._

_He never imagined the calm pleasure of padding out into the kitchen and knowing that Dean was making eggs and Sam was reading the paper and that there was a place set for him._

_‘Dude, you look stoned.’_   
_Dean’s voice broke Cas out of his reverie, and he squinted in faint confusion. ‘What?’_   
_‘Sorry?’_   
_Sam laughed a bit. ‘What’s with the big smiles, this morning, Cas?’_   
_Cas rubbed the back of his neck, then shrugged and sat himself down beside Sam. ‘Just feeling… Pleasantly human, today, my friend.’_   
_Dean gave him a raised eyebrow, then passed him his plate._   
_‘Well, it’s about time you felt it, anyway.’_   
_Cas simply smiled and dug into his breakfast._

  
**Having the man you used to pray to living in your home and watching them become human is a strange experience, and brought about many unexpected moments.**

**Dean never expected to show a grown man how to brush his teeth, or to show him how to cook simple meals for himself, or to show him how to wash his clothes.**

**Watching Cas become human was like watching a child grow up in fast forward.**

**After breakfast, Sam and Dean decided they needed to go into town and get Cas his own clothes. “You can’t keep wearing my clothes, man.”  
** **“Why not?” Cas asked, confused over why he could not continue wearing his clothing.**  
 **“Because I need my clothes, and you might find something you like better.” Sam sat at the table, already dressed and ready, being the first up that morning, snickering at Cas still wanting to wear Dean’s clothes. “Shut up, Sam,” Dean sneered at his brother.**

**They showed up at a little thrift shop, and let Cas look around, simply telling him “Go nuts.” They later learned it was a horrible idea.**

**Cas began to try things on, and a majority of the things he grabbed were so large that they swallowed him up. Sam would joke about it, and say “That looks great, Cas,” until Cas came out in a pair of pants that actually fell down around his ankles in the middle of the store, at which point he covered his face, even though the store was empty. In the end, with some help, Cas found 4 pairs of jeans, 4 v-neck shirts, 2 sweaters, and a matching hat and set of fingerless gloves that he refused leave the store without.**

**“Come on out, Cas.” Dean shouted, trying to get him to come out in his new clothes. He gingerly stepped out into the living room, looking finally like a regular member of Team Free Will, minus the plaid. His boots clattered across the floor in a way his shoes had not, and he liked the way his jeans bunched up against them. Cas smiled awkwardly, holding his arms out.  
** **“How do I look?”**  
 **Dean wanted to say “Awesome,” but with Sam being in the room, all he would get were weird looks, so all he said was “Good, as long as I get my clothes back.” Cas grinned, having learned Dean’s ways of affection, and how he hid things.**

**That was the way things were. And neither of them minded. Not really.**

  
_Cas enjoyed his new clothes, absolutely, but he didn’t say anything about maybe keeping a few of his old Dean articles, like Dean’s Black Sabbath teeshirt that was too small on him, but still smelled like him, or that pair of worn black sweatpants that most definitely had a memoir of Dean stained on the crotch. He would keep these clothes and not say anything. And Sam, when doing the wash, would see these clothes, and not say anything. And Dean pretended not to know._

_And Sam wondered why they didn’t just do it already._

_Cas found that he was not very stable on his feet. It was odd, this new sense of being off-balance without his wings serving to anchor him to the ground. Sometimes, much to Dean and Sam’s amusement, Cas would just fall over for no apparent reason. He hadn’t explained why. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to._

_The one afternoon, after breakfast conversation being filled by Sam briefing the others on a string of strange disappearances and killings in Colorado, they agreed to get ready and go within the next twenty minutes. Sam got up first, finishing his coffee in one big gulp, ignoring Dean, who ordered him “Put the damn mug in the dishwasher- Sam- Sam. PUT THE MUG AWAY.”_

_Cas, laughing, moved to get up, and was struck by a sudden wave of nausea and felt himself terribly off-kilter, and wound up tripping and whacking his head on the glass edge of the table, right at the temple. He was unconscious the second he hit the floor._

  
**Dean smacked Sam in the arm, trying to get him to shut up after he heard the loud thud. “Cas?” No response. “Cas?!” Dean turned back toward the table, only to find him on the floor.**

**”Cas!” He started shaking him, but still he wouldn't wake up. “Sam, come get him!” Dean snatched up the keys to the Impala and ran to start up the car. Sam followed, holding a limp Castiel in his arms and laying him in the backseat. “Is he okay, Sam?”  
** **“He’s breathing, at least. He won't respond to any light, though, so he’s unconscious.”**  
 **“Dammit.”**

**“Sam, he’s waking up!” The bright light in the hospital room flooded Cas’s eyes.  
** **“Shut up, Dean…” Cas whispered, his head pounding. His head was still spinning, the only difference between when he passed out and when he woke up was now he was freezing, as the saline drip flooded his veins, along with what he assumed was an anti-nausea medication.**  
 **“Gave us quite a scare, you dick.” He smirked, the way he did when he went into hug someone. But Cas just wanted to go back to sleep, so, after Sam gave him the rundown on what had happened, he did.**

**“You want anything? I’m gonna go get some food.”  
** **“Just get me a burger, and one for Cas whenever he gets up. Hospital food is hell.”**  
 **“Sure thing, Dean.”**  
 **Dean sat there, watching Cas sleep. “You had better be okay, you son of a bitch.” He patted the back of his hand, and rubbed it the way his mother used to do to his hand, drawing little pictures with his thumb. He grew tired, and his head began to hang, and his eyelids grew heavy, and eventually he stopped drawing pictures, and just left his hand there. Just before he fell asleep, he couldn't stop thinking of his mother.**

**‘Angels are watching over you.’**

  
_Cas was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering why it was shaking like that. Why it was pulsing. Why there was such an intense pain in his ears. Why his head was throbbing._

_He dizzily tried to push himself up, but a hand held him down by the chest._

_“Not so fast.” A familiar voice growled. “I want you where you are for a reason.”  
Cas tried desperately to draw his head over to identify the voice’s owner, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t. His head wouldn’t move. His throat was wheezing, and he couldn’t speak. Cas felt himself slowly start to panic._

_A cold hand pressed to his forehead, and then traced along his face. Cas felt himself freeze up. The hand covered his eyes, and suddenly someone was kissing his collarbone, and his chest, and pulling his shirt up over his head. And Cas’ body wouldn’t respond._

_And then Cas’ bottoms were slowly sliding down his legs, and bunching up around his ankles, and he was bare, and exposed, and so so vulnerable. And he was now openly hysterical._

_“Relax baby, it’s gonna be alright.”_   
_Then all of a sudden Cas realized who was talking to him. And his brow furrowed._   
_“Dean?”_   
_There was a low laugh and another kiss was pressed to his neck, right over the jugular, in a way that no longer seemed ominous but relieving. Cas felt himself respond to the kiss and exhale and sigh in a way that was most definitely “girly”, in Dean’s phraseology._

_“Surprised it took you so long.”_   
_“I can’t move.” Cas whined._   
_“It’s okay baby.” Dean’s face suddenly came into Cas’ view, and he was grinding his hips against Castiel’s. “I’m gonna look after you.”_   
_Cas groaned involuntarily and Dean chuckled._   
_Cas tried to concentrate on enjoying himself, but he felt a growing pain in his chest, and a ringing in his ears. His chest was hammering. His dick was throbbing. Dean was distracting. But-_

_Cas now felt an unbearable pain in his chest and outwardly roared.  
He heard Dean’s surprised exclamation, and then suddenly his eyes shot open._

_And Cas was awake. And he was panting. And he was vaguely thinking about the fact that he was tenting in his pants at the moment, but he was more concerned about the fact that Dean Winchester was in the process of calling a nurse because Cas had been hollering his head off._

_And after Cas reassured Dean that he was fine (and shifted his erection into a more discreet position), he was left to wonder exactly how much of his dream Dean had actually heard._

  
**“The nurse said you'll be fine. You've got the medication she gave you, right?”  
“Yes, Sam.” Cas still looked torn up over what happened. He was told to use a cane for a while for support, until he gained a sense of balance. The doctor had said it was probably just a severe migraine. But Dean knew better.**

**But Cas didn’t want to talk about it. And Dean understood. Just like he didn't like being asked about Hell, and how Sam didn't like being asked about the Cage or his life while Dean was in Purgatory, so it was with Cas’s conversion to humanity.**

**“I feel useless to you two with this thing. I’m fine.” Cas handed the cane to Sam, and walked across the parking lot to the car, well, halfway there. He tripped over his own feet, catching himself before he hit the pavement. Dean snatched up the cane and ran over to him, shoving it into his hand and wrapping his fingers around it.  
** **“You aren't going to walk without this damn thing until you can stand on your own two feet, capiche?” Dean ordered, staring him square in the eyes.**  
 **“Capiche.” Cas said, with a sigh. And so, he hobbled over to the Impala, pulled himself into the back seat, and crossed his arms, looking like a child who didn't get what they wanted at the store.**

**“Is he mad at me or something?” Dean asked.  
** **Sam just smirked, rolling his eyes, as he tossed Dean the keys.**

  
_Cas stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom, watching blood pour out of his nose, mildly fascinated by it. The doctors had said nose bleeds were likely to occur after a head injury such as his. Balance and stability problems too (hence the mortifying action of using a cane). Cas hand came up to his nose, then wiped at the blood. He stared at it closely. He’d bled before, obviously, even when he’d been an angel. But there had never been this feeling before- like his blood was something important. Something special. Something that kept him alive._

_And then there was swearing behind him and Dean was turning Cas around by the shoulders, holding a wad of toilet paper to Cas’ nose to try and sop up the blood. Cas just blinked and listened to Dean snap at him._

_“-all covered in it, like goddamn Cas you ruined your shirt. We just fucking bought it too. Look you’re bleeding all over the place-“_

_“Dean.”_

_“-and fuck, man, there’s no way in hell I’m cleaning that up-“_

_“Dean.”_

_“-because you think it’s interesting. You weirdo it’s just blood-“_

_“Dean.”  
He finally stopped talking and met Cas’ eyes. Cas’ brow furrowed and he squinted at Dean. They were invading one another’s personal space and Cas was confused as to whether Dean had intended for this to happen or not. He was able to see every single freckle on Dean’s face, and tried to remind himself that platonic friends did not count each other’s freckles, or notice how pink one another’s lips were._

_“I am still finding it difficult to be completely… Human, I suppose. I feel like I’m doing it wrong.”_

_Dean didn’t say anything. He tossed the bloody toilet paper into the garbage and looked at Cas._

_“You aren’t doing anything wrong, Cas. It’s just going to take a little time for you to find your sea-legs.”_

_“I don’t intend on going on a boat any time soon.”_

_Dean sighed in that way that made Cas feel like he was being inadequate. He dropped his eyes to the ground. Then suddenly Dean’s hand was under his chin, tilting his head up. His eyes looked curious, as if he was surprised by his own actions. He dropped his hand quickly and shook his head._

_“You’re fine, Cas.”_

_And then he walked away._

  
**As Dean left the bathroom, he heard a horrible slamming noise, followed by an even more terrifying scream.**

**”I am not fine, Dean! I am not fucking _fine_!” As he came back into the room, it was obvious Cas had knocked everything off the counters, an action reminiscent of Dean’s actions after leaving hell.**

**“I am horrific. I don’t need to get my ‘sea legs’, and I don’t need time. I need to get this right. I couldn’t get it right as an angel. All the chances I had. All the times I died. And you know what? I only have one chance this time. I’ve got one shot to do this right, and I don’t think I can do it.” Cas was sobbing now, like he did when he was drunk, when he couldn’t sleep, when he thought about the Leviathans and becoming god and everything he did for Naomi without knowing. He leaned against the mirror, staring at himself like he was a monster. He banged his hand against the mirror, and watched it crack. “I don’t even deserve the chance I have, and I’m going to ruin it.”**

**And the tears came down harder. They poured down his face like he was standing in the shower, and his chest was heaving, and he turned around and fell into Dean’s chest, and he grabbed his shirt and wiped his face and cried.**

**And Dean let him. Because Cas needed it. And so did he. And Sam was out.**

**And because he only had one chance.**

  
_Dean’s hand slid under Cas’ chin, pulling his face up, and suddenly Cas’ crying was cut off by Dean’s mouth connecting with his, his mouth crushing against Cas’ with an urgency that was almost frightening. Dean stopped holding Cas up and grabbed him by the collar, his hand sliding up the back of Cas’ neck to hold his head. His fingers entwined in Cas’ hair and Cas allowed a shiver to break down his spine as Dean’s tongue slipped into his mouth. They danced a dance of wet lips and gasps and perfectly chapped mouths mingling with small thin ones.  
Cas kissed Dean back, his hand sliding up the back of Dean’s shirt to allow his fingers the pleasure of gracing the muscles in Dean’s shoulders and allowing him to trace the conteurs of Dean’s spine. Without even having to ask, Dean slipped his shirt off and Cas followed suit. They embraced one another again, hands pulling at hair as the kissing turned into something much more than comfort._

_Cas was vaguely aware that Dean was hard as a rock, when Dean moved himself and Cas felt the erection pressed against his thigh. He wondered if Dean realized he was reciprocating._

_Every time their mouthes parted Dean would breathe a soft “Cas” and Castiel would return to him. Finally, Dean had enough fucking around. He bit Cas’ neck and slid his hand down the front of Cas’ jeans. Denim scraping against denim scraping against teenage-esque erections and sweaty boxers._

_And Cas swelled into Dean’s hand and he gasped and Dean undid Cas’ zipper, allowing Cas’ full weight into his open palm. Cas nestled his head into the crook of Dean’s neck as Dean started a slow grope of Cas’ cock, which was more slender and more flushed than Dean had ever expected- and hell if that didn’t make him nearly come in his pants._

_And Cas was groaning as Dean teased the tip of his cock with his thumb. And Dean was half-chuckling and half panting trying to keep his own erection under control. He dipped his kisses, wet and biting, down Cas’ chest until his lips met Cas’ dick. Dean’s tongue caressed it quietly and Cas was gasping through his nose. Dean gave him a teasing look._

_‘You’re like a fucking radiator, man.’_

_Cas made noises that he was certain god had never intended angels- even fallen ones- to ever make. Dean took the entirety of Cas in his mouth, which was no small task. He deep-throated everything, and Cas felt his knees wanting to give out. He couldn’t even chance a look down at Dean- but he did it anyway and fell to pieces. Dean didn’t even bat an eye, he just took everything in._

_And then he was kissing another trail, this one more sloppy and dizzy, up Cas’ chest. And then Cas was trying to show Dean he was grateful without really knowing how. He tried to mimic Dean’s graceful action of unzipping his pants, but things were awkward and the zipper got stuck, and Cas felt his face go red-_

_And then Dean was roaring with laughter, undoing his zip for Cas while pressing a delicate kiss into Cas’ collarbone._

_‘Relax, baby.’_

_And as if a spell was lifted over Cas, he knew what he was doing. He dropped to his knees and started to tease Dean’s dick with his fingers, tracing lines up along his shaft- his fingers getting slick with Dean’s pre-come. And finally Dean groaned in frustration and anger-_

_‘Goddamnit do it Cas.’  
And Cas grinned and before Dean could order him again, took everything into his mouth at once. And he gained more pleasure than he ever thought he would by hearing Dean’s hoarse voice whisper ‘fuck’; as Cas’ intensity startled him._

_Cas remembered everything he’d ever seen all at once about porn- which admittedly wasn’t much. But he remembered the vision of the girl and the pizza man- and he remembered now- and he heard Dean’s voice come out breathy and in a string of curses as his hands wandered up the inside of Dean’s thighs and around Dean’s ass, taking it in his hands- pressing Dean closer to him- and Dean was holding the towel rack now, for support, gasping and wheezing and all of a sudden Cas was taking in Dean’s come-_

_And all at once Dean collapsed onto the floor, panting heavily into Cas’ shoulder._

_‘Jesus christ.’ Dean said after forever. He took another moment, then tilted Cas’ head at him. ‘Feel better?’_

_Cas felt his mouth twitch into a sly grin. ‘If that is what is required in being human, I will gladly practice more often.’_

_Dean threw his head back and laughed._

  
**Dean lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling.**

**“Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck fuck fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck,” he whispered to himself.  
He had never imagined anything like what had just happened. Well, not just happened. Dean had slept for what felt like eternity, but in actuality, sat somewhere around 16 hours. But, hey, for Dean, that was 4 times the amount of sleep he normally got. **

**He wasn’t quite sure where he’d even learned how to do what he had done. He’d never really worried about being on the giving side of a blow job, or what to do when the guy you’ve just gone down on is doing the same. Maybe he’d picked up a few things over the years.**

**But fuck, if that wasn’t the best he’d ever had.**

**Dean got up, like he always did, and made breakfast. French toast and a fresh pot of coffee woke both Sam and Cas, and as they casually made their way into the kitchen, Dean kept his eyes fixed on the pan in front of him.**

**Cas just smiled and stretched out as he set himself into his chair, knowing he would be too embarrassed to say anything. And Cas was okay with it. So was Dean.**

**And, as breakfast went on, as it always did, Sam smiled, and pretended not to notice that Castiel’s cane was still in the bathroom, or that the towel rack had been knocked off of kilter, or that Dean’s belt was sitting in front of the cracked mirror.**


End file.
